Do you feel like life is a series of tests?
I want to believe we are a miracle and miracles live in us. Every hardship given to us is part of a greater plan. The past few days have been seething with spiritual hardship. I need to believe the miracle that lives inside of us. I need to believe that if He’s brought me through it once, He will bring me through again.
I’ve been here before.
I have doubts. Am I a good mom? Am I a credible writer? Can I be a good wife? Is my faith solid enough? I let my doubts seep in and I begin to tear myself down. I’m not the best person to be around when this doubting begins to grow inside of me.
We are miraculous in spite of who we become when it’s hard.
Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19
Before I leave for work, I walk out to the petunias in bloom waving goodbye from my front porch. When I come home, I observe all the blossoms sprinkled upon the ground.
Each budding purple flower, once alive with freedom, lies helpless and abandoned, no longer a part of its own body. The way that sometimes I don’t want to be a part of this body either. The petunia stands limp and tired from the days’ work. I get her. I’m so tired too.
Even as the petunia loses her blooms, she blossoms each morning knowing full well that by the end of the day her blooms will be found lying around her.
Whether escaped or released, it is not known. Tiny buddings of life form around her as she gives way to new life and new plants. This remains unseen until I begin to move closer to her.
In the dirt surrounding her stalk, there are tiny buds of new life made possible only because she has lost so much of what makes her beautiful. She must arise each morning and blossom just as the day before without fail and without exception.
It is her God given job and it is a beautiful one as it continually offers more life.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise – in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
I’ve been through these hardships of spiritual doubt before. Each brings a heavy storm of tears and heartache. I know when I place my trust in God He will pull me through. Again.
God doesn’t let us down. We feel let down only when we’ve recognized a hardship and proceeded to have expectations on how it will end. Every hour of hurt and doubt is filled with learning more about who He is in us.
It’s our time of growth. A time of new life.
If you are feeling overwhelmed with life’s decision to bring you through a wilderness of uncharted territory, remember the petunia. Allow God to make you new each morning.
God, I know I’ve seen you work in my life through these situations before. They still hurt as if they were brand new wounds. I want to put my entire trust in you knowing you have your hand all over this. I want to use this time to lean closer and to emit your light. God, please shine over my children, my family and my life. I can’t do this without you. In your name, I pray. Amen.
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