“I’m so glad I found you here.” There is no mistaking His voice.
“What do you mean? You’re glad you found me in this messy life?”
“Because I want to show you how I’ll use this to heal others.”
“But God, that’s so self-righteous. How can I heal others?”
“You can’t. But, I can.”
We are born with testimony in our bones. God codes this language into us from the day we are conceived knowing one day we will use that to bring light to this cold world. Sometimes, it’s our very own soul that retains the dark.
You were not created by accident, my friend.
So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God he created them… Genesis 1:27
I used to be a cutter.
I used to draw from my flesh physical pain because I didn’t know how to process emotional pain. My soul was a dark place and I could throw out daggers all day aiming them at everyone I thought was at fault for building that up inside me.
But at some point, I had to take responsibility for what I was doing to the temple God created for me to live in on this earth.
You make beautiful things out of dust… You make beautiful things out of us. – Beautiful Things, Gungor
Looking back, I only needed someone to tell me where I was heading. I wanted stability. I wanted predictability. I wanted a security only God could provide.
It’s scary to not know where we’re heading.
I know. I lived it for a long time.
I lay helpless on the floor. And that’s where God came to me. On the floor. I had no other choice, but to look up from where I was. Tears, thoughts of uncertainty, helplessness. In all that, God was glad to see me.
I attended a women’s retreat hoping to find answers. I got much more than what I’d hoped to find. I found a little girl, scared and broken, ready to get up off the floor. That was the beginning of this journey.
I don’t know how or when God will use this. All I know is it’s time to share this part of my testimony.
Part of living by faith means we don’t know where we’re heading, but we know who’s leading.
God never promised we wouldn’t have trials. On the contrary, he stated we would. John 16:33 is biblical truth that He has overcome the world. “Take heart!”
Friend, the road ahead looks uncertain. Stop looking at the ground and lift your head to look up. Whatever you’ve been through or are going through, God is going to use it. Trust. Faith. Hope. Draw them near you and don’t let them go.
You are not an accident and neither is your story.
Lord, I’ve put my thoughts, body, and heart through a wreck. Forgive me for every time I didn’t trust you were near. Thank you for forgiveness, redemption, and restoration to work through me what only you could manage. Please use this to minister to others. They can make it too. I pray for those who suffer through depression, through self-injury and who can’t see beyond what’s in front of them. Heal them, Lord. Lift them up. Thank you for delivering me from this lie about myself.
In your name, I pray. Amen.
Click on the little blue frog to link up to Open Mic Monday for the soul. The theme is open for the month of March to promote #community.