“Do you like playing the victim?” Her words stuck to my flesh like splinters stick to my shoes when I walk through the backyard at grandma’s house. Pulling the stickers off is always painful because they can easily poke my skin.
This is how my friend’s words wounded me, yet opened my eyes to see who I was pretending to be. I was not a believer at the time. Even then, God was revealing something enormous to me.
God can use anyone to reflect or project onto us a skin that needs to be shed or a mask that needs to be removed.
That day, as I sat in tears, hoping to get everyone on my side. I was as much to blame as was the other person who I was hoping would receive the entire blame.
It’s hard to face what’s wrong with us when we don’t know who we are.
I was using manipulation as a weapon to cast blame on someone else. It wasn’t until years later when I realized that playing the victim is a form of manipulation. I would have rather watch the other person crumble than to face anything true about myself.
Friend, I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see myself as a person who could cleverly control a situation. How harsh! This was very hard for me to stomach.
It would take years to face this about myself and slowly begin to shed it.
It’s exhausting to play someone who isn’t really who we are. It’s also such a waste of time. Wanting to constantly be a martyr is an addiction like gambling, drinking, eating, shopping and, dare I say, drugs.
There are many forms of addiction and playing the victim is not a good thing for our soul or our spiritual journey.
I regret that it took me years to face this about myself, but I am thankful to not have let it live on any longer. I am thankful God put someone in my path to point it out. Although, her and I aren’t friends anymore, I am grateful for who He brought to me in that season.
The first thing I had to believe about myself? I was FORGIVEN.
I had to trust God when He said I was REDEEMED.
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace. – Ephesians 1:7
God cannot bless who we pretend to be.
God, thank you for all the times in my life where I was wrong. You sent someone to show me and point that out. Thank you for your never ending grace and your love for me. Thank you for showing me who you are through me. I cannot live this life without your guidance, your love, your grace. Cover me daily. Convict me when I am wrong and correct me when I stray. In your name, I pray. Amen.
Click on the little blue frog to link up to Open Mic Monday for the soul. The theme is open for the month of April to continue to promote #community.
I’m linked up with Crystal Storm’s at Intentional Tuesday.
I’m linked to What Joy is Mine Monday’s Musings.
Linked to Jennifer Moye’s Jesus and Coffee.
Linked up to Bonnie Gray’s Faith Barista.
Linked to Coffee for Your Heart with Holley Gerth.
Linked to Woman To Woman Wednesdays.