Have you ever hit rock bottom? I have. More than once.
Although I don’t know what drug addiction is like, I know what it’s like to crave. I know what it’s like to want more of what will make me only momentarily happy – uncontrollable wants, selfish desires.
The last time I hit rock bottom I wasn’t sure if I’d ever come back. I felt defeated and alone. A cavernous wound began to pry me open. Every place was raw, inviting infection. And how would God answer then? I remember screaming into my pillow hot tears, snot matted to my bangs and saliva pooling around my mouth. When you land at rock bottom, it’s gross. And it is real.
It will make you feel formless, empty, hallowed out.
What is it like to be formless?
Today I headed back to Genesis 1. I took it back old school. In order to understand where I am, I need to understand where I began. Formless.
I’m not talking about in the womb (although, I’ll let someone else make a case for that). I’m talking about the rock bottom where God sees us as a formless being and makes light from absolutely nothing.
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters” (Genesis 1:1-2).
In verse one we learn of creation. At the beginning of all time was creation. Friend, when you’re sitting on the bathroom floor, pissed, crying out, alone, at the thread end of giving up, know that this marks your beginning. God will separate your heaven from your earth and create a new beginning.
In verse two we learn that we, like the Earth, are formless and empty and when darkness covers our deep waters, He will create a new beginning.
How do I know? Because I didn’t finish verse 2. Do you know how verse two ends?
“And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the water” (Genesis 1:2).
In your deep water, God is hovering at the surface. Hallelujah! I imagine God a grand artist with the infinite universe as his canvas. I dream God an infinite possibility. From the very bottom, we can reach up with hope and He will be there. Hovering. Waiting.
What is it like to be formless? My husband tells me, “To be formless is to be able to adapt to different situations.” It’s a molding, a flexing. It’s a liquified state of being.
Much like an ocean, our formless selves can adapt to many situations, especially those beyond our control.
Friend, I don’t know what troubles you today. If you’re desperate for an answer, God has already created in you a vast understanding and a deep answer. Pull up off the floor. Reach up for hope. Let him create light in you. Allow the possibility of taking shape. Because verse 3 is all you need to know of this moment.
“Then God said, ‘Let there be light, and there was light'” (Genesis 1:3).
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