I’m joining #FiveMinuteFriday over at Kate Motaung’s place. The word prompt is TEST. It is also Day 7 of #write31days with Christina Hubbard at Creative and Free. Below is five minutes of free flow writing. The forward slashes (//) indicate where the timer started and ended. Go!
Lately, I don’t feel like myself. I’m being open and honest. I posted my TMI on FB just in case anyone was dealing with or has dealt with the feeling of hopelessness.
Sometimes it helps to know we’re not alone; I look up to others who have overcome.
I know God’s got us, but how? I know God’s promise is to not abandon us, but is he sure? I know God’s plan is sovereign, but can I have a peek? I know God loves us as our father, but I want my own father. I wish I had him. I wish I could call him and tell him, “daddy help.” I can’t.
I have to talk to my dad in heaven just like I have to talk to God in heaven. I need something more tangible.
I’m sick of hurting. I’m sick of being angry about trivial things. Pray with me?
//I wrote a little more elaborately on FB about my struggle with postpartum depression and how I am afraid to go through it for the third time. I’m 8 months pregnant and I feel myself coming unhinged at times.
I recognize this as a red flag because I’ve walked into this wilderness. I’m older now and I have Jesus in my heart like I didn’t before. Maybe this is why I cried out.
There was a wonderful outpouring of love from my friends. Friends willing to pray with me, friends willing to babysit, friends willing to listen. This is who God surrounds us with when we open up about hardships.
Don’t be embarrassed to cry out.
I know life can feel like a series of tests. There is no scantron test for this kind of life. It’s a faith walk. It’s a walk in community, and a walk in deep-seeded prayer.//
We will win this together because God has overcome the world. I’m drawing in the sunshine today, my sweet friend. How about you?
I see you. Love, Carolina.
Lord, life is overwhelming. Struggles seem to fill up in this bottomless pit inside. I don’t have to worry about a thing because you are my first and only provider. You fill me up with your love and your promise. I’m not a test tube. I am a miraculous being which you have created. I want to honor that and live that light. I pray for healing. In your name, I pray. Amen.