On the outside, there wasn’t a girl closer to God than me. But on the inside, I was full of doubt. I begged for salvation at every altar call, repenting for being broken and traumatized.
When it comes to marriage, we expect to begin only once. So much so that many brides plan the commencement event for months, carefully selecting flowers, dresses, and really good cake.
When the war is over and the ground tilled
a new bloom will make home in her spirit
Ma reminds me of struggle and strife
Take care of your own and to God the rest.
Insert chill ambiance set to a playlist of lyric-less hip hop songs, nearby an arsenal of books and a revolving wish list of required reading. In two hours, I will begin to ready myself for a one hour commute to my full-time job. I will listen to podcasts the entire drive there. I will park my car and jot down, in my bullet journal, all ideas that are still lingering around able to be captured on paper.
Just like this hillside, my soul has been scorched by fiery trials. For many years, I waded through the thick black smoke as my soul was left desolate, dry, and gasping for air. All signs of life were stripped away, leaving only a remnant of skeletal remains. I felt forsaken and forgotten. It was hard to imagine my soul flourishing again.
I heard God whispering to my heart when I read that story. You like to bake…what is his favorite dessert? I remembered how much he liked cheesecake. Working up my nerve, I invited him over for supper on a Sunday night. He agreed, and I prepared our home, a special meal, and my heart for his arrival.
Husband and I lay, backs on the bed staring at the ceiling, no kids at home. Finally, time alone. How would we spend this time? Would it be as all the times before? Pretending we weren’t hurt? Hovering surface level?
Friends, I’m over at Alice Williams’s place with an Ode To The Broken Hearted. Come by.
…from deep down dig it out phrases – shrapnel caught in the ligaments of my new place, this new place I call grace.
And while I wait to be released from my own struggles, Still Waiting drives hope into my life. It takes me by the hand and says, me too. This is what it is to wait well.