Throughout my whole life, I’ve felt unwanted. When I was a young child, those closest to me threatened to give me up. These individuals were supposed to be my safe place- my home. In reality, it felt like I was some pet that could be dropped off at a shelter without any regards to worth.
As an adolescent, I soon kept a mental scorecard where I could check and reaffirm my feelings of unworthiness. The sports teams chose me last- check! I didn’t make the cheerleading squad- check! Soon, the scorecard became such proof to me of my inability to be loved that I couldn’t trust anyone to hold my heart.
So began my desire to make others like me. Maybe if I studied hard enough, I could prove my worth. The problem was, I never got the words “I’m proud of you.” So, my self-struggle kept enduring. Control became something that I had to have- even if the whole idea was really unachievable.
- How could I prove my worth?
- What could I do to make others love me or even want me around?
- If I do let my guard down, will that person fail me? Can I trust them?
For 38 years, I believed these lies, but it’s stopping now in 2017. I’m ready to be me. The real broken me; the real me who wants love just as I am.
How to Find Worth When You Feel Unwanted
My problem is that the devil still likes to dig up the thoughts of the past and remind me of what I am not to so many people. Satan likes to tell me that if others don’t like me, how can I expect for God to treasure me.
My past has influenced my faith, so I have a hard time grasping and feeling the love that God has for me.
Isn’t that silly?
The Bible says that God loves me, calls me worthy, and wants me as His child. I know when I question what God says to me, it affects my faith. The ultimate form of love given for me was the sacrifice on the cross, so why can’t I feel it.
How can I grasp and hold tight to this in order to feel secure, safe, and supported? My faith needs a major overhaul in beginning again as a beloved child of God.
Why Knowing Our Worth Is a Journey
This is what I have realized when I spend time in God’s word: we all struggle with feeling God’s love. The ability to feel God’s love is like a ladder which we need to ascend. The steps up this ladder aren’t easy, in fact, they are difficult, and it takes a whole lifetime to get to the top.
We can’t ascend this ladder on our own accord, but only in His power. As we get to know God better in our minds, He is able to work within our hearts. The more knowledge we have about God, the more His love becomes evident as we learn to love God and others.
The Bible says that God loves me… period. Feelings are fickle and many times inaccurate. My experience is clouded by my past. What happened to me in the past… the lies believed are not the truth.
When I doubt God’s love for me, I will remember:
When I know these truths, this is what I need to do:
- Change my thinking, throw out my old thoughts and reframe and refocus on what He says.
- Return to the love letters of the Bible where He tells me these truths.
- Believe what I read and choose to trust in His words without needing to feel it.
Zephaniah 3:17(NIV) 17 The Lord your God is with you,the Mighty Warrior who saves.He will take great delight in you;in his love he will no longer rebuke you,but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Julie Loos is the mom of 5 kids and has been happily married to Greg for 17 years. She loves to read, eat chocolate, drink iced tea and spend time writing in the midst of messes. You can find her blog at www.unmaskingthemess.com.